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Christine Hamm reads her poetry.

I'd finally recovered from an emotionally abusive relationship that ended in the autumn of 2006. I'd been dating The Narcissist. It would require a whole separate blog entry to chronicle "Life with The Narcissist" but the fact that he's my past and not my present speaks for itself. I was single and happy, shopping for a new home, five months into a new job that I love and seriously considering becoming a foster mum.

Then...all change.

On February 14th the loneliness that inevitably accompanies being single on Valentine's Day tempted me into dating again. So I did what every digitally savvy 21st century woman would do. I joined DatingDirect! No this isn't an endorsement of them or any other dating site as I really believe that state-of-mind and a fair bit of luck play a much bigger role in the affairs of the heart than these match making businesses would have you believe. Again, another blog, another day. So, I signed up, filled in my profile, uploaded a photo and waited. I waited because this time I wanted to be chased. Under no circumstances was I going to "wink" or email anyone. Damn it!

An hour later someone winked at me. I wasn't expecting much when I clicked through to see who was interested in me. In my previous online dating experiences anyone who winked within minutes of my profile going live was usually a "Troller". A Troller is a man (rarely a woman but always possible) who is a member of at least four dating sites and generally harasses any new female member with winks and emails filled with plagiarised compliments. Shakespeare is a favorite of the Troller.

Anyway. Slim (as I'll refer to him because he is) is no Troller. He is handsome and appeared sweet and honest in his profile. His age made me pause, 34.... but after Sabrina's lecture about being more open (i.e. not just go for older men) I let that little detail go. We had a few instant messenger chats which turned into two hour long phone calls. I loved his kind voice, he made me laugh, came across as mature if a tiny bit lacking in confidence which, after The Narcissist, did not put me off. The most important thing I felt surprised me as I'd never had expected it feel it so soon. And if I think about it for a minute I played no small part in finding that thing that had eluded me in Every. Single. Relationship. before this one. I felt safe.

In our conversations leading up to meeting, I was completely transparent. I revealed me—hopes, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses—without fear because it didn't matter what he thought about me, it mattered how I felt about myself and that gave me such a rush. Sure I may have been a little disappointed if things hadn't worked out, but life would have gone on. As it turned out, there was nothing I could tell Andrew then or now that put him off.

We had our first date on February 22nd. I glided into the lobby of the Hoxton clad in my Friday best of Karan and Louboutin, hair in the perfect twist, neatly trimmed and buffed nails, professional but sexy. I arranged myself in a leather arm chair next to the fireplace and waited. And waited. He was late. 30 minutes late. I sat cringing, dying inside thinking he'd blown me out. Lost his nerve. Couldn't be asked. The first tear of humiliation was just about to spill unto my cheek when Slim appeared in the doorway of the restaurant. I knew it was him but found confirmation in the panicked "I'm late!" look on his face. Forgiveness came in the sweetest first kiss I've ever experienced and it marked the beginning of our future.

You'll have to come back for the rest :-)

As you prepare to write your Life Purpose Statement, take a look at the five questions from The Purpose Driven Life .  They are:

1)  What will be the center of my life?  This is the question of worship.  Who are you going to live for?  What are you going to build your life around?  You can center your life around your career, your family, a sport or hobby, movies, having fun, or many other activities.  There is nothing wrong with these things, but they should be secondary to putting Christ first in the center of your life.  (I have been guilty of allowing my career to be the center of my life.)

2)  What will be the character of my life?  This is a question of discipleship.   It takes a lifetime to develop a Christ like character, so be patient.  God is interested in what you are than what you do.  Begin by making a list of the qualities you want to work on and develop in your life.  You can begin by using the Beatitudes or the fruit of the spirit.  I like to go to I Corinthians 13 and read it in several different translations.  I also use Philippians 4:7 and 8 as my purpose in life.

3)  What will be the contribution of my life?  This is a question of service.  This is where you apply what you have found to be your gifts, abilities, personality and experience.  Ask yourself "Who do I have a desire to help most?"  I was so excited when I was given the opportunity to work in Christian education and I was asked to do opening service of the day.  This time was when we gave an object lesson, sang a song and took prayer requests.  I found out that I could teach.  I was delighted and I loved every moment I taught.  Now, I am not good at hospitality where you go bring food to people.  My cooking is not very good and I know when I need to take something, I usually order two pizzas and take them.  Most people do not think about having pizza to take for the funeral meal.

4)  What will be the communication of my life?  This is the question of your mission to unbelievers.  If you are a parent your main mission is to teach your children about Christ and you want to add this to your statement.  You can always take Bible tracts with you as you go to the stores etc. and give them out.  I have a friend who home schools and if she out with her children during the day, she is often asked why aren't the kids in school.  Then my friend gives a testimony about how she wanted her children to have a Christian education so she home schools them.  I wear my cross necklace and it has an unusual design.  Sometimes something as little as jewelery can open doors for you to speak.

5)  What will the community of my life?  This is the question of fellowship.  This area of our life needs to be balanced.  It is very important to get involved with other believers.  The Bible teaches us to love one another, to help one another etc. and if we are isolated in our own little world we will not be balanced like we need to.  This is especially important for the entire family.  You want your children to have interaction with other believers.

Next post we will bring The Purpose Driven Life to a conclusion.  Thank you for visiting and please come back.

Now if you're interested in fighting a few of the germs that can cause conditions such as those above, pop on over for a little gross giveaway fun!

I have no idea what was said or what I was doing... I think this photo needs a caption!

I at first thought this experiment started off in tepid fashion with a slight change of my hair color. I went from this

to this

I couldn't get a good full-face shot of myself, so this will have to do. It's a subtle change; it's now more ginger or cinnamon than the bleached blonde I wanted to get rid of. The waviness will go away, my stylist decided to put in some gel and see exactly how much natural wave I have, which apparently is quite a bit.

Then it occurred to me that this experiment really began on Sept. 27, one week before I turned 35, in St. Petersburg, Fla. I went there to visit my very good friend Marnie, and little did I know that events were taking place back home in Milwaukee, Wis. that, less than one week later, would have an impact on my life.

While in Florida I did something that, surprisingly to me, many of my friends and family were shocked by.

The Catholic schoolgirl got a tattoo.

It's on my right shoulder blade. A little larger than I had wanted, but any smaller and the artist said the inks would bleed together and it would look I simply was punched in the back.

Apparently the last time I was in St. Pete visiting Marnie, I had been drunk and talked about getting one. Marnie said she asked me the next morning if I wanted to do it and I said No. I don't remember that, but I mentioned it again this time (I also was, once again, inebriated), but the next morning I still wanted to do it. So she got the name of the tattoo place her boss went to, and off we drove.

Turns out the artist was turning 35 four days after I was, so we bonded over being a couple of indecisive Libras. I was joking with him that there were a couple of people back home that probably wouldn't have approved of me getting a tattoo (something about tattoos not making women more beautiful), and he said that was all the more reason to get one. :-)

It didn't hurt as much as I thought.

It was more like a burning sensation. And just when the pain got to the *really* uncomfortable stage, he would stop and either move onto something else or get more ink (not sure which, my friend took far fewer photos than I would have liked).

Eventually the Celtic knot, which I had chosen from the cover of a book I purchased from a used bookstore in St. Petersburg, began to take shape.

In retrospect, it's interesting that I chose *this* particular weekend to do this. There are tons of tattoo parlors in Milwaukee, but any other chosen time would not have coincided with this small life change I have been thrust into.

I, for one, am anxious to see where this little experiment takes me.

I need to get a life.

depth of friendship

does not depend on

length of acquaintance

(r. tagore)

happy birthday, my friend.  i always smile when i think of you.

Yesterday I had this horrendous itch, that no matter how hard I dug into my leg, it would not go away.  Well, my leg started hurting, and I realized that since I bruise easily, I was more than likely giving myself a bruise, which I successfully did. 

This one is for you, because it is such a horrible bruise, it is probably only about 1/6-1/4 of the size, perfectly similiar in color, and in the same general region as the horrendous bruise you got when you tried to teach me to snowboard, and you decided it would be a great idea to accidentally go down the stairs on your butt. 

I knew you'd be proud of me!

Lala has been gone a really, really, really long time. And it's weird because we became closer after she left. I guess it's because we started talking more. When she was back here, we rarely caught each other online. Now we practically have a schedule (after eating dinner, I excuse myself for my 'Melbourne Date' as I like to call it.) every weeknight. From 8:30-9pm (Philippines time) until 10-10:30pm is my 'Lala time'. I feel incomplete if we miss a night. And my favorite words to read from her are 'wala ako pasok sa ____' ('I don't have work on ____'). I know it means she won't earn money then, but I'm really selfish, so...

I was just telling Lala that I actually have this physical pain in my chest because of how much I miss them. I guess I'm really that type of person who needs her friends close by. Creepy, I know. But that's just me.

I can't wait for December. This year, I'm not only looking forward to that month because of Christmas, but also because 2 of my most important friends are coming back home.

Waaaaah! I want to stop feeling mushy, like, NOW!

I need my friends in my life more than anything.

The new it word of the day: "unfriend" this word is used to describe and enemy or your non-friend people.

So the highlight of the day would be C's takoyaki party I guess. I mean it was really nice and yummy and I got full too. I love how they put everything in from cheese to sausage to chocolates and those small kids bread and even chips. I love it haha.

yumminess. i can eat this all day long. It's a takoyaki basically you buy the mix/batter then you add eggs, water and anything you want. This is a takoyaki cooker and you just make it. I think it'd make a nice gift too. Everyone in Japan also seems to have one of these things so I think it's a very handy thing to have at home. You can have a party instantly.

This weekend we will celebrate Thanksgiving 2008. I think the kids will all make an appearance over the weekend. Each has become a solid adult, functioning in the adult world, contributing to their world. It is a testimony to what they were part of as kids. Their mom and I were partners, sharing in the parenting, household chores and each in unison lovin' the pieces. I am very thankful to God for blessing me in this life. Sue and I work together now. We leave for work together, we come home together. We each have our habits but most of the time we are together. It is different then before but we are still partners. we complement each other in our day to day goings and comings. We know people who could not stand the thought of being around each other all day. But for us....we love it!

me: did i tell you i kind of like a guy
me: but he won't give me the time of day
gomz: !!!!
gomz: !!!
gomz: @@@
gomz: ###$$$
gomz: what are we going to do to get his attention
me: i don't know
gomz: you need feathers
gomz: i spray your glasses in with gold spray paint
gomz: and then
gomz: we can paint hearts on them
gomz: you have to be persistent
gomz: step and jab
gomz: pause
gomz: uppercut
gomz: chicken punch

Israel was ripped off. Although their freedom had been granted by Pharoah, they were not free. Although deliverance had come, they were not delivered. Although the Lord had provided liberty, their hearts were still enslaved. Their salvation had been ripped off by the old mindsets that had gripped their hearts in Egypt. So, too, many Christians have been ripped off. Families, finances, spirituality, marriages, friendships, and spiritual health are all casualties as Christians are defeated in these and other areas because of entrenched wrong mindsets and because of their willingness to make concessions to the devil. But God has a proclamation and an answer-He has provided a full salvation for any who will obey the Scriptural mandate to repent and follow Him. "The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is His Name."

Primary passages are Exodus 14 & 15.

Then on Saturday Blake and I will be making the 3.5 hour drive north to BALTIMORE BABY!  I can't wait to see my Mandy.  Blake says to me all the time " I don't understand why Baltimore is so great."  Where I have to respond "You have never been there before, you just wouldn't understand."  So I'm taking him so he understands!  Big memories from Baltimore (every time I go to write Baltimore, my fingers type Blake instead) include: 711, buses, my first crabs at L.P. Steamers, the harbor, crab chips, Hammerjacks (closed), federal hill, and the list goes on!

We will have some pictures to show everyone after the visit, so check out some previews!

I love my 'crazy' FBEPS family

P/S: Sorry, I'm too malas to upload pictures from tdi, so, if you wanna get it, pendrive please ;) More pictures from Amir's lense.

and owh yeah, this was taken last Sunday. Thanks Amir.

He called me today and asked how I was. He's still far far away, but he's comming home a day after boyfriend's birthday. I told him I was ok, and that he had no need to worry.

"You might know by now that you mean a lot to me," he said. "So I'll be worried either I need to or not if you're not ok."

I miss him...

It's finally October, the most scented month of the year. The perfect month for caldarroste and pizzoccheri. Miam :-P

During the weekend, while Germany was celebrating its 18th year of reunification, Christian and I visited Amsterdam and a couple of other Dutch places like Volendam, Edam (yes, the city after which the cheese has been named) and Zwolle. We had a very pleasant time with my friends: Krijn hosted us almost all the time, Erik organized a delicious dinner in an Italian restaurant and an after dinner for all the friends who could not join my birthday party in Berlin while Jörg and James hosted us for the last night in Zwolle and spoiled us with some great meals. Even Christian, who is cook, admired Jörg's cooking abilities.

We had some thrilling moments too: while going to the red light district on Thursday evening, the taxi we were traveling by had a car accident... Somehow the taxi driver didn't see a car coming from left, or he probably just ignored it, because he had green light and... well, you know, taxi drivers are taxi drivers :mrgreen: Anyway, we are all safe and sound.

In Amsterdam I could use for the first time my new camera: I'm now, in fact, a proud owner of a Nikon D60... It's incredible how much more fun is taking picture with a DSLR! I just have to practice all the different settings I'm offered.

But the most important experience I had during last weekend was feeling a warming friendship around me :oops: I felt so good with each of you (I know you're reading this)! I'm very thankful for what you do for me, for the joy you make me feel.

I need NANA.

Thanks to you guys!